New Year. Another New Start

My dear readers. I must sincerely apologize for the lack of dedication to this blog that I have recently displayed. First you should know that the changes I am making around this website are still up in the air, I am trying a few different ideas and I will see what sticks. But in reality I have a feeling that you care very little what this blog is called or what it looks like.

I have made a resolution this year, well I have made a few. I rarely make resolutions because I see people drop the ball so often. I am usually the one to say “do it or do not do it.” But this year I am making a resolution to write for at least thirty minutes every single day. Now this should affect the activity on this blog but my resolution is to write anything (not specifically blog). Whether that be Journaling, poetry, working on my book, sending creative emails, blogging and so much more. I am probably just telling you so that maybe you can keep me accountable.

But onward and upward, right? I want to share with you why I feel that a change to this blog is necessary.

Aside from my lack of writing over the last few months I believe that am in a true season of change in my life. With my future, my past and present. Now I am not going to get overly personal because remember this blog is not a journal. If you want to read my journal you can ask me in person.

I do believe that we are all constantly changing. Day in and day out. Changing our minds. Changing our preferences. Changing our lives. Here is where many philosophers would begin to beam at the chance to claim that the only constant in the Human existence is change. I always hate to disagree, but I do.

This is where another one of God’s paradoxes pops its little head out. I like to imagine God’s paradoxes like a pack a wolf pups, peeking their snouts out from the cave to sniff the fresh fallen snow. They are as curious as I am as I watch them interact with each other and the white powder. They are afraid and so enthralled with joy. Nervous and unbelievably excited. They are living out a paradox in their attitude. How these opposing forces clutch together blow my mind.

I sit and watch the wolf pups play in awe of their beauty and pure hearts. All the while in my relaxed and joyful awe I retain an equal if not more aggressive force of concern and fear for my own life. With the gaze drawing cubs near there is most definitely full grown beasts close by. I cannot enjoy watching these pups without respecting and fearing all that comes with them.

But more than wolves work in this manner. All of Nature carries with it working paradoxes. Beauty accompanied with fear. I can really go on forever about this but I wont because it is not really on topic whatsoever.

The specific paradox I was referring to regarding change is that we must all learn to embrace the constant change in life whilst simultaneously resting safe and comforted by a contentedness of steadfast and never-changing love. With all that is happening day in and day out in life it becomes a perilous journey just to stand upright midst all the motion that comes with living.

We are asked day in and day out to move with the changes but to sit still in patience. We are asked to truly live in the exact presences. Not a second early or a second late.

Life is a dance, one where we are all off beat more than on. A dance where our partners toes are swollen into plump plums because we cannot seem to simply watch our step.

This my friends is where Grace HAS to come into play. If it doesn’t than to me, life is simply not worth living. I struggle with change. I love it once it has come and passed. But during the turbulence of it all I am scared and lonely. That is one of my many woes, but it is one I know that is shared by many.

Then comes in Grace. To comfort those swollen purple toes and to slow the music to a manageable speed. If I had to dance on in shame and disappointment day in and day out without a place to rest my head I would be an utter wreck. Grace takes the dance floor out of the equation. It turns the gawking stares and points them elsewhere.

Grace moves the dance into a realm we desire to be. One where our miscues and mistakes are met with a stretching smile. One where our partner keeps us moving and all our weight supported.

Our partner takes the burden and stress of never ceasing change. The only time our feet hit the ground and our joints begin to ache is when we decide that the burden is not for our partner to bare. We take the dance back onto our shoulders. We cannot allow anyone else to take the lead. Not unless it is us.

If you have read my blog before you know exactly who this partner is. I hope this metaphor can help you with any struggle you are currently dealing with. Change may be constant but the disgruntlement and pain does not need to be.

Dance on my friends. Give over the lead and rest steadfast in never-ending change.

It is not your burden to bare.

Much Love

BGTF

Well, Hello

It seems that my Blog has grown a nice thick coat of dust over the last few months. Well, I think enough is enough. Don’t you my dear readers and friends?

I am about to go to sleep, but tomorrow I will be blowing off the dust and making some changes to my crusty old website.

With a new year, sometimes comes a new drive. A new beginning.

Get your seat belts strapped on tight.

I think we are all in for a hell of a ride…

 

Much Love

And As Always,

BGTF

This Storm

The Roof is caving in.
Shutters have been slammed shut

Doors in front and back locked tight

Still tears stream down these walls

Blood is staining the ceiling and carpet alike

Furniture scattered about

Television humming White noise

All that was once right

Now is in disarray

The roof is caving in.

It wont be long now

They are coming to get

You, me and I

We.

Plucked from our normal routine

Tossed about in this perplexing vortex

Everything is screaming now

It is all about to come crumbling down

The roof is caving in.

This spinning turmoil, begotten in fear

Has shackled us to the ground

Patience is the tasteful choice

Awaiting the unknown,

Strapped in for the long haul

Even though

The roof is caving in.

Too tired to think

I am thinking that I need to work on some more poetry especially when I feel like this but honestly most of it is going to sound emo and gloomy. Choices choices. Also I just wrote this on my phone technology is weird.

I’m up too late and I just need to try starting another day. Give it all another shot. Well until then. Night.

Anew

And thus the mountains have faded away

Since, I have searched feverishly for something

To take their place

I grew tired and weak

So lonely as I began to weep

My soul cried out: wailing and moaning

Wandering aimlessly in a friendless crowd

Time passed by, the World seemed to erode and

Every piece of me groaned

Course, rigid and tough my exterior shown

An empty case, visibly unbreakable

Truthfully, more fragile than a

Sand dollar freshly formed

Emotion became its own entity

Separating everything that I am

Survival, selfish-desire were all

That remained.

Mocking as I went on my way

Depression tasted, anticipated my sweet

Demise!

Hiding in the corner, cringing in the

Dark. The mountains began to rise

Battle after battle I had lost

My Hope melted

My Faith tossed away

My Love drained

Still the Mountains rose to the war

It hurt so very bad, They slowly

Outgrew the shell I had encased

Them in. Ripping, taring, cracking

The crust fell to the ground

Light began to shine. A sun rose

Covering my whole with searing heat

I was in fear. I was confused.

I was born anew…

Cha-Cha-Changes

I have a strong feeling that I have discussed this topic in detail before. Changes.

Quick side-note. My life has been absolutely non-stop since my vacation in Vermont the first week of August. My fingers feel lazy and sluggish as they drag across my keyboard. That is a little bit frustrating to me but all the busyness is and was worth it.

There is so much on my heart and mind of late and most of it has to do with changes. One of my Best Friends slash writing buddy Nate Forte was married over this past weekend. I was in the wedding and it was wonderful! Beyond that the first day of classes is today. I don’t actually have any today so tomorrow is my first day back in class at Eastern since I left Colorado. The summer ended. My dear friend and usual roommate is leaving for Austria in two short days. I moved to a different part of campus this year. A whole new class of freshman is trying to display its dominance on campus.

Roles are changing. Relationships are changing. Directions are changing. We are all growing.

Isn’t this one of the most terrifying and restoring truths plaguing humanity?

Constant change. I deny whole heartedly that change is the only constant. My entire faith basis would be in fault if that were so.

But I do believe that as humans it is one of very few elements of life that each and every one of us encounters constantly and drastically.

One of the many awesome things about change though is that we never truly will know the outcome until we are looking back at the past.

When we are very young we desire for life to stay the same. I remember as a young boy I would always dream of a future where my “deepest” friendships are all in tact. A status quo of stability achieved.

Now if life had panned out in the way I desired it to when I was 10 I would be an entirely different person. And as far as I am concerned and entirely boring person.

I know look forward to the inevitability of not knowing the future. My anxiousness, my nerves, my fears and my humanity do not do my heart and mind justice. They display insecurities covered in lies.

Even sitting here now at my desk I am enthralled at the possibilities this semester can bring forth. More than that I am invigorated with not having any idea what is to come next.

Without change my dear friends how can we ever expect opportunities to improve. Opportunities to grow. To be fruitful. To experience.

Be open to change when it happens. Allow it to be a natural process. Rest your fears in the hands of God and move on.

Continue to love those who surround you and the changes that bite or sting will be lessened. You will see from a new perspective.

An otherly perspective that strips your selfishness away.

I have much more to say on this but I am losing my train of thought. Let’s talk in person.

 

Much Love

BGTF

 

Untitled

I will stand far away

I will witness and applaud

Watch as my very form decays

Crowding in on the scene

Toasting glasses as I squeal

There is nothing left, nothing real

I have been carried, dragged and pulled

Carted to this new place where I am alone

There is no guilt on your part

This was my accomplishment

I have created this crippled drone

Even as the lines of this poem take shape

I revel knowing that this corpse could have been atoned

Keep the laughter ringing and the drinkers drinking

This is a celebration. A cynical observance. A triumphant defeat.

 

I wanna…

I wanna do something big. Something crazy.

I am Exhilarated with a new vigor for life.

Enthralled with the prospect of opportunity

Encouraged by the love of many

I so desperately (to quote Jon Foreman)

Want to give love to the ones that cant love at all

Want to give hope to the ones who got no love at all

Want to stand up for the ones who cant stand at all

This is my prayer. This is my desire. This is my passion.

 

Much Love

BGTF

The Loveless Self

I went to church today.

The sermon, the message has had me thinking a lot.

I do not mean to speak poorly of the man who was behind the pulpit but I believe his articulation of the Gospel infuriated me to the very bone. My heart broke.

Not because he wasn’t trying his very hardest. Not because he was misinterpreting scripture. No, what upset me so much is that he spoke about one of the greatest passions in my life.

I have to admit I was upset because I do not believe he brought justice to an element of God’s grace and Christ’s love that is often not articulated and sadly overlooked.

This is the ability to see beyond the surface of others. This is compassion. This is empathy. This is discernment.

I have seen the crime committed time and time again. A “Christian” looks at another person. A person who is “living in sin”

Man oh man am I tired of that phrase…

But this individual has now been deemed unclean by the “Christian” and must be fixed or cured.

Their life of using drugs, shoplifting, promiscuity, and suicidal tendencies are what need to be changed. Take the sin out of the sinner and boom we got ourselves a brand new shiny robo-Christian.

Cause that is what God desires, an army of shallow and neutered followers. (Can you taste my sarcasm?)

There is always so much more that we may never even see. Behind the curtains of the obvious a whole story waits to be revealed.

Christ saw those stories. He couldn’t wait for them to unfold.

The Cripples, the Prostitutes, the Thieves, the Poor, the Homeless, the Blind, the Depressed, the Murderers, the Broken,  the Undesirables…

What did all of these titles mean to Christ? I truly wonder that. I must propose, though,  that they were saddening to hear. Truly, heartbreaking.

For God’s creation to be identified as anything less than the glory He intended. For Christ, the one who lived the truest of all loves. I cannot imagine his heart not breaking and his eyes not tearing.

Christ saw these men and women for who they truly were. Who God had made them to be.

Whats more to this very day Christ sees beyond our scar tissue surface.

He sees the abuse, the loneliness, the abandonment, the circumstance, the pain.

How much sorrow God must feel when the druggie crawls on all fours begging for a fix. How much sorrow He must feel knowing that the same druggie spent ten years being verbally, physically and sexually abused.

How much sorrow God must feel when one of His “followers” kicks the druggie when he is down. When the “follower” approaches the druggie and lectures him about the Truth of a father’s love. But all the druggie hears are the screams of his mother being tortured and raped by his biological father. He never knew a father’s love.

Still the “follower” persists. Exclaiming every truth he knows. Pleading with the druggie to get up and to get right with God.

The “follower” walks away. Head hung low. So angry that this druggie will never see the Truth and will ultimately spend eternity burning in hell.

How much sorrow must God feel.

The wonderful thing about God though is that He does not just feel sorrow then hang His head in defeat. No my friends, God’s love conquers all.

That druggie and that “follower” are loved more than either will ever know.

So what is my greatest passion? Seeing the brokenness behind the curtain that covers all of our hearts. Not just seeing it though. Meeting others there.

Christ has already met us all in those shameful and painful places.

So my plea with all of my readers is two-fold.

First, If you are willing and able. Meet someone behind their curtain.

To do this though. The “YOU” in the conversation must be taken out of the equation. Sacrifice. Pull back the curtains and bring forth the love.

This curtain was not drawn for your sake. Not at all. The steps that follow are in God’s hands alone. Christ’s love must be demonstrated.

A completely SELFLESS LOVE.

Do not expect anything in return my friends. That is not God’s love. Love. Love for the sake of loving.

Share God’s Truth. Meet others behind their curtain and leave your LOVELESS SELF sitting outside.

Meet their needs. Be who they need you to be. Not who you think you should be.

So here is the second fold of my plea.

If you, yourself are scared to pull back your curtain and allow another in. This is for you.

There are those out there. Those you can trust. They will walk with you and help you see God’s love. Christ’s sacrifice. The Spirit’s Truth.

I promise that no burden is too heavy to share. I can assure you that if you poured it all out. No burden, no shame will overwhelm.

That shame, that burden, that pain would no longer be yours.

Christ has captured it in his sacrifice. Now it is time for you to confide. Time for you to realize that you are scratching and clawing to hold onto brokenness that is not yours to hold.

In love my dear friends. Do not think less of yourself. Just think of yourself less.

There is Selfless Love to be found even in our Loveless Self.

I love you all dearly and am here if you are ready to let your story unfold.

 

Much Love

BGTF

Creating Truth

What would it require to pour

My heart out in ink and blood?

What would it take to live life

In full. With vigor and strength.

What do I need to do to taste

These pinkish yellow orange hues

To kiss the sunset

To hug an eclipse

To dance before the sun-lit moon

Every stroke feels as if a symphony

Is being born anew

My entire form is pulsing to

This joyous beat

I can smell the meadow in the air

Each line a bounding step

Through this heart-felt wilderness

The notes are following me

Through the stream

Chords are splashing

The whole wood is humming

Mountains are thundering

Words defying the will of any man

All of creation seems to

Be restored. Brought before You.

Peace is attained. Creating. Revealing.

Truth.